


Queer as Zim

by itsmingkittythings



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Fluff, Gay, Humor, M/M, Ridiculous, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:18:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9365678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmingkittythings/pseuds/itsmingkittythings
Summary: What do you get when you have an alternate universe where Dib is a gogo dancer and Zim finally gets his disguise right? Explosions of rainbows and alien sex, that's what! (A slight crossover with the show called Queer as Folk)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, I posted this story fucking eight years ago on DA and just one chapter it got almost 100 favorites and 100 comments. I disappeared for awhile due to severe health problems and came back to find it many years later of how much love it got. It's fucking hilarious because I originally wrote this to make fun of some popular ZADR fics out there. I'm not trying to bash anyone, it's all just for entertainment and humor, just trying to write a little similar scenarios but bump it up to where it goes way to far. But I am pretty open minded, it's your fan fiction and you can write whatever the fuck you want! So, yeah anyway, this is based off of Queer as Folk, I am just kind of putting this Invader Zim AU scenario that's based off of that show. Which is where I got this stupid idea, haha.
> 
> I am also finally continuing this after way too long of it being neglected and decided to post this up. I've already wrote 2-3 more chapters, they're just in the process of editing. But I have the first chapter for you all at least for now! 
> 
> This is just ridiculous gayness to the max and would probably make Jhonen want to cry and kill himself. Sorry, Jhonen, I fucking love you and you influenced my life immensely, but you gotta accept when your stuff gets popular that people will create all sorts of insane love pairings out of your characters.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think! I love constructive criticism and would love to hear your opinion. They also give me lots of motivation goo. 
> 
> I do not own Invader Zim or Jhonen's works, I am not making any money by posting this. The only thing I can claim ownership to is making Jhonen cry of disgust for my perverted mind for using his characters for my sick imagination. 
> 
> Enjoy~

Zim couldn’t believe he was actually doing this. He walked through the streets, feeling his legs become heavier. Looking around, everything was a different world around here. The normal human culture was seeing them in plain colorless clothing and blank expressions on their faces. But, Zim was in a different part of town. He was miles and miles away from his house, sighing as he thought about how he would give anything to go back now. But, he knew it was too late. He couldn’t. He made it this far… 

Everywhere he looked, human females were dressed as human males. Then, human males dressed as human females, some of them really ugly and some of them very appealing! For a human anyway… 

He strutted across the street, watching the strange humans wear funny clothing. Some over-sized humans were in leather and showing almost all over their skin! Zim turned his face, horrified at the scene. He couldn’t believe a human would torture someone’s eyes like that! 

A few women that looked, walked, and talked exactly like guys passed him talking with each other. He probably would have thought they were very masculine males, except for the female like-chest. He sighed, looking around totally confused. 

The Irken’s steal-toe boots clicking against the pavement, they crawled up to his knees. They had shiny buckles on them that seem to reflect against the street lights and move as he walked. His clothes were completely different from his usual Irken-Uniform. He had changed his appearance so he can do his experiment of homosexual behavior. Which he didn’t really understand… 

Zim was now posing as an 18-year-old human homosexual male. He had defiantly grown taller over the years, about to 5’3 feet. It was defiantly Zim’s greatest victory, but sadly everyone was tall on this planet and no one could recognize how amazing he was. He growled at the thought, shaking a zipper gloved fist. His chest heaving over a long red and black stripped shirt that was cut from his sides, but the back waved in the wind behind him down to his knees. Tight leather pants hugged him and a studded belt held them firmly in their place. 

He had learned away to figure out Tak’s technology on how to cloak his green skin. It was now a pale yellow color, but as close as he could get it to. His eyes were a gentle ice-blue. His hair the same jet-black color, but it was spiked furiously in the back as it was semi-long against his head.

Squeaky steps fallowed behind him as a green-like dog was close to Zim’s legs, moving under his legs to look up at him as they walked. His held tilting in confusion at the Irken’s expression. “MASTER! You look so sad… don’t! YOU’RE SO PURRTY! BUY ME TACOS!” He squeaked.

Zim growled at his robot companion and glared down at him. “GIR! Be quiet! EARTH DOGS are NOT supposed to TALK!” He hissed, pulling onto the rainbow leash that was wrapped around the green-dog’s neck. 

He huffed he couldn’t believe he was going through with this. The experiment was becoming more of a chore then anything else. However, your probably wondering why little Zim had gone through all this trouble, cloaking himself and looking like a completely different person, all for a gay bar? 

Well, to make this explanation short, over the years young Dib [a former class mates of Zim’s] had formed a different life-style then the other boys. His interests were in femme Goth styles and his interests in bands like The Scissor Sisters, Dir En Grey and Jeffree Star were his current obsessions. His love for the paranormal never really died, but his interest in Zim had faded when the Irken decided to take leave to Irk. 

The little Irken spent over a year trying to figure out why his leaders weren’t contacting him anymore. After six months of traveling, he had gotten the truth that he was really exiled to this horrible blue planet. It took him another six months to get back, by that time he never went back to school. He found it pointless thinking since he didn’t blend in anymore, it just didn’t matter. 

However, the thought of proving himself to the Tallest by just taking over the planet crossed his mind and hopefully becoming promoted to Invader again. But, it quickly faded in his mind as he thought it was impossible, his faithful enemy had become bored of always getting laughed at and tried to search for a better life-style that would understand him. The swollen eyeball team was mostly full of pedophiles anyway and Dib couldn’t stand that anymore.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic. But, Zim had heard a small rumor when he poked into school a few days ago that his old enemy was now a dancer at an industrial-techno club called, “Le Disko.” 

Now, being the stubborn former-Irken-Invader, he would never show his true self in front of the human again, however he was curious. Was he still even THINKING about the paranormal? What REALLY changed his mind? It couldn’t have just been all the neglect, hatred, and outbursts he got from students every time he tried to prove what Zim really was. It had to be something else…and for some odd reason, it was bugging the shit out of the Irken. Could he really have given up his long-life-dream to become a paranormal investigator to be a Go Go Boy? 

No, this couldn’t be right. Zim convinced himself that there was something else that had occurred that wasn’t fully explained and put out there. He believed the human wanted more positive…attention…or negative, whatever you want to call this scene. He didn’t deny the human’s life-style, but it was more his attitude. Giving up his dreams…for…what? 

The curiousity was killing the Irken. He had no idea why either, he would have been fine just sitting in his house for eternity and waiting until he aged some more, then finally collapsing and dying. But no, the human just had to stop. He just had to stop trying and slowing him down! The nerve of him! What a complete and utter insult! How could he deny the greatness of Zim and believe he was not still trying to take over the earth!? He may not be an Invader anymore, but he was still Irken and destruction is what he constantly craved! He will destroy the earth! But not before he figured out what his former enemy is up to. 

Why? He still did not know. 

The clicking of his boots continued behind him as he dragged GIR by his collar, the little suited robot was now allowing him to be pulled as he laid flat on his face. He didn’t move, his legs were on either side of him and he just let himself be pulled through the dirt and trash. Zim took no notice to this and he looked around for the club.

He became more and more frustrated as he tried to find it. The streets of all different colors were getting more and more crowded as it got later in the night. However, it was only ten a clock at night. He sighed, turning the corner. He saw way to many big business buildings that were closed for the night already. 

He stopped in the middle of the side walk as the strange people passed him and he huffed silently. He couldn’t see a bright colored rainbow sign he expected to see… he imagined these places to be more noticeable just like the people around him. He would ask…but…no…he didn’t dare to sink so low as to ask for help from a HUUUMAN. It was just, distasteful. 

But, something interrupted his thoughts. A soft…but clear enough beat was being played near by. He blinked when he heard the words. 

“We’re gonna ride the race cars…” 

They were faint, but it sounded like the music Zim had heard on all of those cliché homosexual television shows. He gaped around, listening with his antennae’s under his wig. He bit his lip, turning a corner into a dark alley way. The music was getting louder. 

A loud base was playing the more he walked down.

“We’re gonna dance on fire…!” 

He was in the middle of the dark alley-way when there was another turn. The base sound was even louder this time and he saw a rainbow lit up sign to an average looking black door. The words read, “Le Disko!” 

It was flashing and his heart began to beat with a sudden excitement. What luck! He swallowed hard, he was also half terrified. He doubted the human would recognize him like this…but he…was so curious. 

His hand reached onto the door and he grabbed onto the handle. Did he dare to open it? His heart skipped a few beats, until he swung it open and the loud beat almost killing his hearing!

“We’re the girls Le Disko! Supersonic Overdrive!” 

He squeaked, when two tall drag queens on high heels stomped out. 

“GAWD! My dogs are BARKING! Madly! Ugh, I shouldn’t have dance that much.” The first one that stepped past Zim was wearing a pink feathered dress and long high heeled pink glittery boots. His face was round and broad enough it was easy to tell this human was a male. His make up around his lips and his eyes matched his boots. “Excuse me, honey.” He said, not really acknowledging Zim.

‘…I see no dogs…’ Zim thought to himself, well if he counted GIR. 

Speaking of, Zim looked around and saw that the rainbow leash he was holding no longer held GIR! “DAMNIT!” He cursed, looking around for his lost robot as the leash lay limply on the ground. He looked inside, still holding the door open. 

He stared inside blankly his mouth twitching, he had no choice now.

Zim took a deep breath, before he finally walked in. The entrance had glittery chains hanging from the doorway he flailed his arms trying to get them off from moving onto his fragile face. He growled, shaking his fist as his shirt got caught and he stumbled. But he was pushed by the wind of the door SLAMMING shut behind him. He managed to knock out of the way, ripping a part of his shirt near his elbow. 

He yelped, but shook his head. He would have to mend it later. 

He looked around, the lights were moving so fast… they were all different colors, green, blue, yellow, orange, red, and they were moving frantically all around the giant room! It was so dark and he could only see the bodies of blue and different colors reflecting. How would he ever be able to find Dib in this?

He was about to turn around when he heard something familiar… 

“Yeah… Dib… he’s a great dancer! Skinny… but not bad moves…” He heard this from a blonde boy that was now moving passed him, talking excited. 

Zim swallowed again, he was here. It had been years since he had seen Dib and he was actually here, but where?   
The Irken forced himself to move forward, the beat of the music suddenly changed. It was a whistling wind sound at first, until the base pumped up so loud he could barely hear himself think. He gasped slightly as he moved through a few dancing bodies. 

There was a loud cheer up front and Zim’s eyes averted to the stage in front of him were the lights were moving so fast. 

Different colors moved speedily around one boy on the stage. Just one and they were constant cheers as he danced like he was on some type of earthly drug. 

Zim’s mouth almost dropped to the floor as he gawked. This boy was tall, about six feet. His hair was pulled back in a long hair scythe that went past to the middle of his back. He wore oval sun glasses that went over his brown eyes. He was wearing no shirt and as the glitter shiny things dropped from the roof of the stage, they stuck to this boy’s sweaty form. He was scrawny, but he wasn’t a troll…for a human. 

He was twirling around with a circle…hoola hoop? Those human things little girls usually moved their hips and it would twirl around. It was a bright colored pink, reflecting off the strange lightening. It was teal color and it was moving so fast…not just around this human’s waist but around his arms and legs! It was like he was moving so fast, Zim could barely keep up with him!

His pale skin reflecting off his chest as it seemed to move faster, the glistening of sweat seem to dance with his moves. Black and blue tripp pants with little chains on them jingled as they hugged his waist. He moved his hips faster, showing off his shiny studded belt that matched his. In fact, a lot of people seem to have the same belt. 

He did a good job in blending in.

But he couldn’t believe it, was this really Dib? It didn’t seem like it! 

However, everyone was cheering for more. The beat was harsh and he matched every thump that seem to pound into Zim’s ears. 

The words in the background of the speakers sang.

“Introverted boy, you are not interesting, boy. You think you’re intellectual, not no one is talking to you now.”

The sound was a deep creepy type and Zim gasped as he watched the human began to speed up his motions as the beat got more intense. He was moving faster and faster! It was crazy and Zim found himself slowly working his way passed the dancing bodies to the very front of the stage.

He could see every muscle, every inch of the human now and it was almost…breathtaking. 

When the song had finally ended, the human stopped and he smiled waving. He caught a glimpse of the disguised Irken and he smirked down at him. But Zim was to busy staring wide eyed and with his jaw dropped. 

This seemed to flatter the human and he moved to the stairs of the stage, letting the next skilled dancer to come up. 

Dib moved towards Zim and the Irken only watched. ‘Oh fuck, he’s coming over…maybe he knows who I am, SHIT WEASELS!!!!” He cursed, swallowing hard as his cheeks colored a bright red when the human was now right in front of him.

“Enjoy the show?” He said with a sly smile. 

Zim looked up at him surprised, before finally answering. “Uh…uh…yes!” He coughed softly, “It was… very… refreshing…?” He said, almost questioning himself that he did find the human attractive. 

A wide grin spread over Dib’s face, he pushed his black sun glasses up to the bridge of his nose and he grinned. “Well, I could use something like that. Buy me a drink, stranger?” 

Zim raised a brow [he actually had those now!] and he scoffed, he may have blended in with the human’s but he would never go as far as serving the humans. It didn’t matter how attractive the human looked, with his gleaming chest and shiny spectacles. “Excuse me?!” He said in a squeaky voice, “Z-! I am mean…” He caught himself, he better not tell him who he was…not just yet… quick! Think of a name…

Dib raised his own brow at this, “Um…”

But Zim quickly interrupted him, “ZANE!” Oh yes, that was creative. Splendid, Zim, just splendid. “Yes, that is my name! ZANE! And I…will NEVER! Sink as LOW as getting you foul earthling a dirt-water-beverage AND for you ordering me around, I DEMAND you to buy ME a drink.” He nodded with a glare, crossing his arms over his shirt and growling. 

Dib stared at him blankly and gawked at him, as if the other was crazy. “Yeah know…you remind me of someone I use to know…”

Zim bit his lip, not saying ANYTHING.

“But… you look nothing like him.” He shook his head. 

Zim sighed in relief, ‘Phew… that was close…’ He thought to himself.   
“Anyway, since you’re cute, I guess I’ll have to buy a drink.” That same smirk seemed to make Zim want to sink back down into his long t-shirt. 

“Uh…okay…” He didn’t expect such corporation. 

Dib nodded his head towards the bar, his lips curling into a dangerous smile. Was this safe? Zim wasn’t sure, but the other began walking away. He slowly picked up his heavy feet and clanked towards the bar. When the reached it, Dib took a seat and Zim copied his movements. 

The human looked over at him, “What do you want…?”

Zim shrugged, “I don’t know… I’ve never really drunk these kinds of beverages…” He looked around at all the different colors and names of the bottled liquids.

Dib raised a brow, again. But he suddenly chuckled, taking this as a joke. “Right… well, if you’re new here I guess I’ll buy you something small.” Dib leaned over to the over size buff looking human wearing a skimpy black wife beater that had pink letters saying, ‘Le Disko!’ He told him two raspberry wine coolers and the waiter pulled them out, screwing the tops off for them. 

The human immediately grabbed his drink and guzzled it, until it was half gone. Zim just looked at his, he was afraid to touch it after the water incident. He put it aside for now and put his hands into his lap, looking at his feet.

“Cool boots…” Dib complimented, putting his drink down as well. “Where’d you get them…?”

Zim looked up in surprise, but he shot another glare. “Like it’s any of your business HUMAN, I made them myself.” 

Dib blinked again, “Wow…you must be good with your hands then…” And with that, the human moved his hand firmly onto the Irken’s knees, causing him to jump. But the human had a firm grip on the the Irken and he couldn’t really go that far. 

The human’s eyes were averted to the Irken’s knee cap, feeling the leather and running his hand up his thigh. Even though the boot was very thick, Zim still felt a sensation shoot through his leg straight through his groin. He swallowed hard as he watched the human’s hands move up the alien’s leg to his inner thigh, at the same time as his eyes were slowly meeting Zim’s.

“They’re nice… they feel really…thin…” He smirked slightly and Zim swallowed hard, he must have noticed that slight shivering coming from the Irken’s leg. 

Did the human do this to every strange boy he met?! If only he knew who he really was, he’d probably cut off his hand just for touching the Irken’s boot. Heh, that would be funny.

Zim glared again, finally getting his confidence back and swapping his gloved hand against Dib’s wrists. The human took his hand back and pouted at him slightly. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” He yelled. 

Another smile curled over Dib’s lips and he shook his head. “Uh huh… I’ve heard that before.” He rolled his eyes as another beat changed. The human beamed, “Come on, if I can’t touch you. Then I can at least give you the privilege of being the first one to dance with me tonight.” 

The human jumped off his seat and even though he knew what the Irken had said before, he took a risk and grabbed onto the Irken’s wrist. 

Zim was immediately pulled and his free hand flailed, “W-WAIT! I don’t know…how…to…dance…LET ME GO! HEY! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TOUCHING ME, DIB-BEAST?!” 

The human in front of him had stopped dead in his tracks, and looked over at Zim through the corner of his shades. However, he kept his grip on his wrist. 

“What did you just call me?” He said, almost threatening him. 

Zim swallowed again, shit, he was found out for sure. “Uh…Dib…? That’s your name right?”

Dib looked at him, eyeing him and scanning the Irken, as if trying to see who he really was. “Just…Dib…is all you called me…?”

Zim nodded, but he could feel beats of sweat touching his forehead. 

Dib shook his head, looking at his feet as if trying to remember something. He bit his lip, whispering silently, but Zim couldn’t hear him. 

The human shook his head again and smiling up at Zim again, he shrugged his shoulders pulling the other more into the middle of the dance floor. The human began moving his hips just as he did on the stage. Zim swallowed again, trying not to look at those buckled pants moving to the beat again. He felt himself becoming hotter around his face and Dib saw this, finding it as an opportunity to come closer.

Dib’s hips began to move closer and closer towards Zim’s, then they slowly brushed up against Zim’s. A shock of excitement rushed through the Irken’s groin again and he gulped harshly. He looked at him nervously and Dib chuckled, noticing the other’s hesitation. 

“Dancing is easy…just fallow me.” He whispered, grabbing onto the Irken’s hips. Zim yelped, almost moving backwards but was pulled harshly up against the human’s waist. 

Zim tried moving with him, having trouble at first, but he began slowly moving against the human’s hand motions. When Dib realized he had suddenly gotten it right a small smile formed over his lips.

“There you go…” 

“Hey! This is kind of neat!” Zim beamed, trying to match the human. It was simple, but fun! 

Zim would have kept going, but he felt the weight of the human’s hands on his back and his shoulder. He swallowed as his small body was pulled up against this human. He stared up at him he was so much taller now…

He stared at him with a sort of fear and he squeaked as the song was now slower. It was easier for the little Irken to move with him. 

“See… it always nicer to dance with someone else, don’t you agree?” Dib whispered.

Zim blushed again, biting his lip and almost gasping as the human leaned in. 

Dib, the human he used to know as his former enemy. The human that use to throw water balloons at him and literally make his skin burn, the human that left him for his own death into the very dimension of the little boy’s paranormal head, the little boy which he had tried to kill with little rubber pigs. All the memories flashing back into his mind and his eyes almost literally popped out of his sockets. He gasped, watching those brown eyes watch him over the frame of the human’s shades. The closer he moved the farther back Zim moved. 

But, this didn’t stop the human for he pressed his palm that was now on Zim’s back and pushed him forward. Zim squeaked silently, trying to move and squirm away, but his feet were now planted on the ground. He could feel his heart throbbing inside of his skull as he tried to move away, but something! Something horrible kept stopping him! What was this human doing!? 

A slight shiver escaped him as he was only inches away from the human’s face, ‘Slap him! SLAP HIM! SLAP HIM!!!” His voice shouted at him, but he squeaked again, when he saw the human close his eyes and lightly…very…lightly…almost…to gently… touch his lips. Another squeal escaped Zim as the pressure was harder. The human was trying to SEDUCE HIM WITH HIS MOUTH!!!!!! LIP SEDUCTION! LIP SEDUCTION! Zim’s mind seemed to buzz. 

Another cry escaped him and the lock on his hands suddenly formed up again, he pressed his palms HARD up against the human’s chest, ripping the human’s lips off of his and causing the human to stumble away from him.

Dib looked almost bewildered and he gawked, “WHAT?!” 

Zim gasped, brushing his fingers over his lips and his cheeks were a bright red. His enemy, just…kissed…him… on…the…lips… Zim was in utter shock and he just stood there, dumbfounded. Completely oblivious to the people around him and everything seemed to stop. His mind setting and world suddenly spun into a spiral, he could feel himself screaming inside to run away.


End file.
